they Quit and didn’t Know it…

I had a conversation with a close friend regarding a, well we’ll call it a slight disagreement between them and their significant other and lord I hope they forgive me for this, they quit before they knew it.  To make a long story short, their partner was damaged goods, as we all are, and their biggest fear was abandonment.  They had already faced this fear once in the relationship that left their situation severely crippled unbeknownst to them how badly.  Well fast forward a couple years, they managed to stay together not necessarily resolving the once deep-seated issues but merely bandaging them and managing to move on because there was much more at stake.  Well, they get into a “disagreement” in a shared space and one party is put out of the shared bedroom and went.  Big mistake, big big big mistake.  You never concede when you are in the presence of dominance when you are supposed to be acting in that role, more so, never concede in shared space.  The minute you do that you have given up the control of yourself.  You appear weakened and unworthy of respect.  If you were two animals fighting for rights, they would have just lost and the other animal just made off with their prey or pissed all over their yard.  This is more important in speaking in terms of classic gender roles and beliefs.  If the man is viewed as the leader, “head of the house,” “provider,” or whatever or however you reference this individual, this title garners a certain level of respect retrospectively.  That is why you need you to have to be able to argue.  If anything agrees to disagree, stay in yall’s bed, in yall’s room, in yall’s house that will send a clearer message then leaving.  When you walk away, sleep downstairs, or hang up, you give up.  You give up on trying, you give up wanting to understand, or even caring enough to do so.  It’s better to sit there and stare at each other until one blinks than to be dismissive by closing your body language off to the other person.

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